I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
is wine microwaveable?
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Randomize
