Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
