I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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