Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
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