I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Randomize
