Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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