at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
