Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Randomize
