Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
