oh god the rape fog is back!
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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