Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
