I can't breathe out the right side of my face
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
