I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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