i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
