I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Randomize
