what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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