Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
Randomize
