I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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