I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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