we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
