ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
