He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
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