I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
