when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
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