so explain again why im purple
no
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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