i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
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So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
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I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES