I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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