dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
