Texts From Last Night

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  (206): View more from Washington

  Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.

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  (206): Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too. http://tfl.nu/q39q
  Replies (9) Good night (1699) Bad night (670)
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  (404): View more from Georgia

  I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.

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  (404): I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious. http://tfl.nu/jbo1
  Replies (8) Good night (5611) Bad night (1146)
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  (862): View more from New Jersey

  Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.

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  (862): Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good. http://tfl.nu/j3wb
  Replies (6) Good night (2636) Bad night (1075)
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  (530): View more from California

  My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans

  (530): View more from California

  You've been usurped as King of the Gays

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  (530): My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans (530): You've been usurped as King of the Gays http://tfl.nu/3bmd
  Replies (19) Good night (1939) Bad night (824)
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  (661): View more from California

  I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.

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  (661): I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere. http://tfl.nu/qnta
  Replies (12) Good night (2086) Bad night (634)
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  (512): View more from Texas

  I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?

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  (512): I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts? http://tfl.nu/sh8w
  Replies (13) Good night (1346) Bad night (1411)
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  (314): View more from Missouri

  Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?

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  (314): Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him? http://tfl.nu/mvm1
  Replies (12) Good night (647) Bad night (481)
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  (612): View more from Minnesota

  I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.

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  (612): I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night. http://tfl.nu/84z8
  Replies (1) Good night (877) Bad night (520)
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  (618): View more from Illinois

  So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.

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  (618): So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers. http://tfl.nu/djxo
  Replies (3) Good night (555) Bad night (832)
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  (423): View more from Tennessee

  New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.

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  (423): New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class. http://tfl.nu/ex1j
  Replies (0) Good night (389) Bad night (413)
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  (560): View more from

  I dapped up a cop while leaving the party

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  (560): I dapped up a cop while leaving the party http://tfl.nu/6zgz
  Replies (1) Good night (464) Bad night (283)
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  (845): View more from New York

  Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..

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  (845): Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once.. http://tfl.nu/qopu
  Replies (0) Good night (623) Bad night (208)
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  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds

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  (+44): So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds http://tfl.nu/u27a
  Replies (1) Good night (445) Bad night (250)
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  (905): View more from Ontario

  not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now

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  (905): not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now http://tfl.nu/p1h4
  Replies (1) Good night (457) Bad night (179)
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  (310): View more from California

  I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.

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  (310): I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends. http://tfl.nu/6v2p
  Replies (6) Good night (382) Bad night (390)

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