I wish I only lived at night.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
23 Millennials Confess The Things They Wish They Weren’t Attracted To
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
23 Gruesome Scientific Facts That Will Make You Squirm
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!