I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.