she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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