i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
