I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
