I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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