Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Randomize
