I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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