I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Randomize
