You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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