Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
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