There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
