the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
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