When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
