____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
