Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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