there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
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