Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize