I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
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