My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Randomize
