he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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