I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
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