please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
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