she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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