OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Randomize
