dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
