My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
