If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
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