oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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