I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Sext me about skeletons
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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