Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Randomize
