people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
