I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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