Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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