i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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