Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
