so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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