Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Randomize
