you lied. pity sex is amazing.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
