I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
I need to align my fucking chakras
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
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