I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Walk of Shame today included voting.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
