I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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