You work out of a Hotel?
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
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