This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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