let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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