so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
well, you know. whores of a feather.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
