I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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