sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Randomize
