The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I need to calm my uterus...
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I touched a dick in church today
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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