i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Randomize
