you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
