What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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