If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
