brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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